Have You Ever Thought of Killing Yourself
(This is the Book Excerpt that tell the story about how the the sheriff in Parkland, Washington was used to try to commit me to a mental institution.)
One day the bitch from next door came over to pound on my door and complain about hearing my bass. Instead of just letting her get on my case, I snapped back at
her, "Do you actually think I like living in this cage? Do you think it's my
choice to live here?"
"Well I'm going to call the police than," shesaid.
"Go ahead," I said in return.
(I think I just drove off one time and left the scene.) Check Journal
The next time the same kind of thing happened, but I didn't leave, I just
waited for the cop to arrive.
A squad car from the Sheriff's department pulled up into the drive way,
out stepped a big guy. He was quit polite and understanding.
I got into my spiel
and tried to push my 35 page booklet on to him, but he wouldn't take it. I said,
"You probably already have one down at the station."
He said, "Maybe."
I didn't actually bitch him out personally, butI sure passionately let
him know how disgusted I was with the local government he worked for. He got the
strange look on his face and asked, "Have you ever thought of committing suicide
I laughed and said, "Hell no. That's what they wanted me to do though. I'm smarter
He let me yell all I wanted and as the noise complaint was concerned;
he let me off with a warning.
About an hour later the cop showed up at my place again, not only with
another cop, but also with three women. The women were from the Pierce County
Crisis Clinic. As soon as I learned where they were from I knew the pending
questions I was about to be asked. If you would have asked me, it was a dead
giveaway because of the extra cop.
"Hold on," I said, "Let me get my journal, since you are all public
officials, I want to get your names so I can put them in my book." Laughing I
stepped inside my trailer and came out with my journal in hand. The girls had
business cards so that made it even easier.
As far as the cops, I didn't care
because I figured they probably had phony badges if they had a special scheme in
mind. I figured the real way to get their name is through police records at some
point in time down the road.
The extra cop stood in the background as he let the original officer
introduce the girls.
"How in hell do you think you can help me?"
"We felt you might need someone to talk to," said another.
I said, "Talking isn't going to do a bit of good as far as paying my rent
and putting food on the table, not is it?"
They couldn't respond to that question
because anyone would know they weren't sent out to my place to hand out money. "I
know something you could do; find me a job. And one that doesn't require a good
They knew it they couldn't help me with anything that would do any good, I knew
it, they knew it; therefore what was the point of them trying to come up with an
answer to the question? As you could say, they were useless as well as speechless
at that point.
My truck was parked naked between my trailer and the shop so they all had to stand
around it. All but one of the girls were standing in front of my porch as dealt
out the questions to them, but the oldest gal kept her distance by standing over
by the big cop at the rear of my truck as it sat backed into the driveway between
the shop and my trailer. One of the younger girls spoke up again saying, "Well, we
were hoping that we might help you by talking things over with you."
As I stood on my make shift porch in front of them I said, "What are you
going to do, tell me my problems are a result of how I was raised as a child?"
I was pacing back and forth I found myself doing my spiel about the conspiracy all
over again. Then I decided to put the cops on the spot and said, "I'll tell you
how you can help me. Why don't you read my lousy book?"
They shrugged their
shoulders as a response and one mumbled something about not having time to. We can
all assume they were going to weasel out of reading it no matter what I said.
"Come on, you’ve got plenty of time to read it! Crimes have been committed and they're listed right in here. You're cops now aren't you?"
They snibbled again,
shrugging their shoulders and saying nothing in return.
"Then why can't you do anything about it. Why can't you even try?" (No answers
"Yeah, it's because you work for a bunch of crooks. If you went to them with my book, they would throw the dam book back in your face, because they have it already. They know what is in it and they're not about to do a fucking thing about it!
I was trying to make them feel like fools because I knew they couldn't arrest me
and send me off to the loony bed as long as I answered the questions right.
When the older gal at the rear of my truck asked me the question: "Have
you ever thought of killing yourself?"
"Are you happy with yourself?"
"Hell I love myself. Shit why would I want to kill myself? I'm a lucky man and a
smart one at that. Heck, I'm driving the work truck of the future and you all are
going to have to pay me for one, even though you don't even have them yet. Why in
hell would I want to kill myself if I'm going to be the richest man in the world?"
I began pacing back and forth on my porch yelling at the top off my lungs, "Shit, I heard if you kill yourself, you go straight to hell. Now why would I want to do that? I'm living in hell already. You say I should be happy? Tell me, would you be happy if you had to living next door to people who work for the city and they climb over their fence to snoop around in your home whenever they wanted to? Would you be happy if you lost your house to a fucked up fire department. Lose your butt
because the government rigs your phone and runs your business into the ground.
Hell, I've got to be happy; I got a life far more interesting than yours!"
The cops started to back out a bit and made up an excuse as if they had to get going. "Yeah, you can't do anything to help me and you’re wasting tax payer's money coming around here like this. Your boss is just another one of the crooks involved in this conspiracy. You try to do anything and you'll be sitting without a job."
As they were departing one of the girls said, "We fill sorry for you."
I said, "Feel sorry for your selves. Your housing already cost more than it should because you’re over here making a freak-show out of the whole deal instead of doing anything to help me or your selves. You already bought the dam truck. All you got out of it is bigger house payments and higher property taxes. I feel sorry for you."
As the girls walked away to get in their car, I manage to get them to
except one of my books. (I think at 65 pages.)
Within the next day or two, I tried calling one of the girls. I realized it wasn't
even possible to get in contact with them. Apparently something was funny how
third card was so genetic; I figured that they somehow were working for the city.
A few days later I received a visit from the two younger girls. They
wanted to see how I was doing and I assured them I was alright. I was doing
alright considering that I'd just smoked a bowl and I was more upbeat without cops
hanging around. I'm sure they realized the tantrum I threw during their visit
earlier was an act because the cops were there. They too seemed different and I
guess it had something to do with the fact that they had read my book and because
of it they understood the things I was going through better than any knowledge
they would have got by asking the conventional sicky questions. I informed them
that they had been used by the crooks they worked for.
I said, "Those cops brought you girls around for the sole purpose of trying to get
me to say that I'd thought about committing suicide. If I would have said anything
of that sort, they would have had me wrapped up in a strait jacket in a heartbeat
and it's why there was a backup cop though the one had been by himself earlier.
They would have used your testimony to throw me in the funny farm."
They looked back at me with a creepy expression on their faces as if they
realized I was probably right. No doubt, they were witnessing something going on
that people don't experience every day, especially in their profession. They knew
they had gotten sucked into a big conspiracy game and it was the real deal, not
just a poor boy against a bad cop story and there was nothing they could do to
I asked what they thought of the book and they said, "Gee you've been
through a lot, we feel sorry for you. Wish we could do something for you."
thing they expressed was something I didn't expect at that point in the game. One
said as the other nodded in agreement, "You're a good writer."
The next chapter of Sunnyside's Lousy Book is:
Featured chapter prior to
Have You Ever Thought of Killing Yourself is:
The Shower Hose Trick
Burning Down the House